Union Jack’s, Columbia, Maryland

UNION JACK’S COLUMBIA
10400 LITTLE PATUXENT PARKWAY
COLUMBIA, MD 21044

PHONE: 410.740.5225
FAX: 410.740.5226

For a Google map, click here

I have to admit it.  It was partly the apostrophe that brought me in the door.  Would I find a person called Union Jack dressed up in red, white, and blue behind the bar?  Or would there be hundreds of Union Jack’s around the place and the apostrophe was being used to denote the plural.  People, who enjoy such musings, may like the “blog” of “unnecessary” quotation marks.  (Click here to access it.)

Union Jack's favorite place to sit or just another of the Union Jack's?

I usually praise restaurants generously and extravagantly because I like to memorialize the food I enjoy and simply prefer to forget the rest.  But we went to a restaurant today that was so bad that I felt that I would be doing no favors either to its management or its future customers unless I recorded my shock on this blog.

Union Jack’s (what a ridiculous name!) is supposed to be a British pub.  It has all sorts of British tack, ranging from Union Jacks (or Jack’s?), football memorabilia, items from the London tube, street signs, and, worst of all, an empty telephone box that is not even the real thing.

Phone box at Union Jack's

Here is what I expected for this place.  I thought that the food would be adequate, and I would have a lot of fun poking fun at the artless decor.  I imagined writing how I would report that I felt that I had arrived home after noticing all the comforts that made me feel I was in a real English pub — complete with all the essential items always found in every English pub, such as the telephone box!

I confess that I hate those awful things.  They remind me of miserable times in the seventies before the advent of the mobile phone when you’d wander around looking for one with a phone that actually worked and without an overwhelming smell of stale tobacco, urine, and vomit!  I thought I would point to the essential piece of furniture covered with an enormous Union Jack and report how at home I felt here.

Fish and Chips at Union Jack's British Pub

But I am afraid I was simply appalled.  I was appalled by the dreadful food, and I cannot believe that this place will survive in Columbia.  Iran ordered a fish and chips, which arrived on a copy of The London Royal Times.  (If you don’t believe this, trust the photo!)  The first try was virtually inedible.  It tasted as if the little nuggets of cod had simply gone from freezer to microwave and they were not crispy at all.  We sent them back and the things returned somewhat improved.  But, the worst was  the bangers and mash.  (Actually I ordered this with french fries rather than mash.)  I really do not complain easily, but I simply had to tell them as plainly and as clearly as I could that the food was totally inedible, and I could not even contemplate how these dreadful things could be improved.  Besides, I added, I am English, eat bangers all the time, andI know what they are supposed to taste like!

Bangers and chips at Union Jack's pub

Now I must admit that the manager was gracious and apologetic and substituted an acceptable very generous portion of ribs without complaint or argument, but if the food doesn’t improve, Union Jack’s will close down in Columbia.  I just wonder how long this place will last.

Prices are hardly cheap here, and if you consider the quality of the food they are downright expensive. My baby back ribs were $22; I would have paid $14 for the bangers and chips, and the fish and chips were also $14.  I had a pints of (delicious) Arrogant Bastard beer, which was on tap for $8, and Iran had a smaller glass of Blue Moon for $5.

I might go back here to drink some beer, but certainly won’t eat here again.

What fun to have a British pub in Columbia.  But what a shame that it serves food that would have been unacceptable as a school dinner in the sixties in Britain!